Struggling

I'm stuck.  I'm unmotivated and what I did for one year, is no longer possible.

So I'm stuck and coming up with a new and improved plan.

I love to run in races, but right now $25 is spent on a lift, not a run.

Thursdays have been spent at Ballet or Open House or the Eye Doctor.  Things that have to come first because my job and child come first.

I miss my crazy painful workouts three times a week.  I miss having a fourth thrown in for fun and three lifts.

I just miss it.  With missing it comes depression.  I have to switch to doing it on my own.  I am a single parent with bills.  I don't like looking at my bank account because I know that money has to go somewhere and it isn't always on me.  I refuse to be late on any payment.

I feel life slipping through my fingers and it is times like these that I realize I don't need a lot of money to get what I need.

I do need my workouts.  They confuse my body, but the races and extra third lift, I can do some of the times.

When I need to push myself, I can run on my own and do abs because I should be able to put my best foot forward.

I wish I knew how to just do things instead of procrastinate them.  I'll be honest, I can procrastinate with the best of them, but with losing 30 pounds, I'm only hurting myself making it last longer.  I can't say it is money or time because running only takes time and no money.  My daughter deserves a healthy mom.  My future deserves nothing but 100% of my dedication.  Somehow, I need to believe that I don't need all that I have and that I'll be okay.  I need to be okay crying.  It is the only way I'll move forward.  A day at a time, pain at a time.

Here's to hour long runs that hurt but leave me feeling satisfied!